what I miss and what makes me feel bad............................

I called the hot guy once because I was happy in Mk. So I want to go back there because this is hard and boring as hell in N-WORLD, BUT MEN HERE SEEM TO LIKE THE BORING LIFESTYLE WHERE THEY DO EVERYTHING THEY WANT.

ANYWAY THE ONE TIME I CALLED HIM. HE TOLD ME HOW HE TRAVELED ALL OVER THE PLACE WHILE I STAYED PUT HERE DOING NOTHING. AND THAN IT MADE ME UPSET BECAUSE I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD THE LUXURY OF WATCHING A ROMANTIC MOVIE WITH A GUY I LIKE. I AM HERE SUFFERING AND THAN i GET JEALOUS OF YOUNG WOMEN HAVING KIDS.

N-WORLD IS BORING AND DISGUSTING.

NEW FRIDGE AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY

i THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY, BUT I AM STILL ANGRY AND IT HASN'T TAKEN THE BURDEN OFFOF ME  WITH NO BRAINS IN HEAD.

i AM TIRED AND EXHAUSTED FROM LIVING WITH THE BURDEN OF DEALING WITH THEM MY FAMILY AND MEN IN N-WO

I AM TIRED OF DEALING WITH ANGRT SENSITIVE HOMOSEXUAL KING PENBISG MEN WITH NO BRAINS IN THEIR HEADS AND THE BURDEN THAT IS STILL ON MY SHOULDERS. THE REFRIGERATOR DID NOTHING TO LIFT THAT BURDEN, MAKE ME HAPPY OR GET ME AWAY FROM THESE HOMOES.

My cousin doesn't invite me places
I thought it was becuse of the alt-right stuff I posted, but now I think she is fucked up in the head and I insulted her sons father in law or told his ass off. And old Irish baby boomer fuckheads in N-WORLD HATE REALITY.

IF YOU ARE REALLY AN OLD LONELY IRISH MAN WOULDN'T YOU MOVE TOWARDS OLD PUSSY TO HIT ON ALSO. IT'S WIERD THAT THEY WANT TO MOVE TOWARDS ME TO USE ME AND FUCK ME OVER AND SCREW ME OVER.

MY DEGENERATE UNCLE AND NEW FRIDGE

I AM NOT SURE IF i DID THE RIGHT THING JUST YET.  I GOT A NEW FRIDGE BECAUSE I WAS PISSED AT THE WAY WE ARE LIVING MY MOTHER AND I HAVE REFRIGERATORS FOR COLLEGE STUDENTS THAT ARE SMALL AND i AM SUPPOSED TO FIT ALL OF MY FOOD IN THERE AND MY MOTHER AND WE LIVE LIKE ANIMALS.

SO I GOT THE FRIDGE AND MY JACKASS ASSHOLE FAGGOT UNCLE IS PULLING OFF THE TAPE AND TAKING OUT THE CARDBOARD LIKE IT'S HIS FRIDGE AND HE HOVERS AROUND. HE IS WEIRD.

I GOT THE NEW FRIDGE TO MAKE THINGS EASIER, BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I AM BEING USED AND I AM NOT HAPPIER. I AM NOT SURE IF EVERYTHING I DID HASN'T MADE THINGS BETTER No matter what i do or what hoops I try to jump through.

MY MOTHER JUST TOLD ME HOW TO DO MY JOB AND TO TRY SOMETHING CREATIVE.

WHEN I TELL HER THEY DONT WANT YOU TO COME UP WITH YOUR OWN REWARD SYSTEM SHE GETS ANNOYED LEAVES THE ROOM STARTS IN WITH ME AND SAYS BYE, BYE BYE IN A WHINY VOICE AND THAN SHE SAYS I DON'T HAVE THE TIME FOR YOU WHEN YOU GET LIKE THIS.

MOM, NARCISSISM, VICTIM, CONTROL

So I went out to try to buy a fridge. It's one of the major things we need right now. All we have is college age dormitory fridges.

Long story short. My mother and I went to the store got the Fridge and as we are leaving she said she is going to throw out her freezer. She has to do this. A few weeks ago she threw out some of my food that was in her freezer and when I complained she said she had a right to do it becuase it's HER FREEZER. Her freezer that she paid for and prizes so much and now she wants to get rid of it.

So than she is like you can have the big freezer and I will take the freezer in the new fridge since you and soandso like to mess up the freezer and keep all your food in it. And I am like why can't we just share it whats the big deal and she goes into a tirade yells at me walks off and tells me she is taking the older college fridge and me and soandso can have everything. We can have the big freezer and the new fridge because she just can't deal with it.

Here he goes.

Trans man is talking and ranting a mile a minute. These people are in turmoil and not at peace.

NARCISSIST MOTHER AND NARCISSIST TRANS MAN AGITATED AND NOT SETTLED

Had to run out and do chores today and my mother is a nervous wreck and irritable. The are her words.

"She doesn't like to go out when its raining. She doesn't like to go out at night time." She gripes about every last and little thing. Everything is a hassle.

She hates immigration which I understand, but than when I ask why my Uncle that had a big shit job couldn't help me out or my brother by getting us a job her response is. "I don't want to hear it. I don't want to argue."

He didn't WANT to move his ass. I'll tell her it's not all the immigrants. My uncles and fire liutenant and gay king shit Jewish narcissistic men had the ABILITY to get the fuck up their asses and help me out, BUT THEY DID NOTHING BUT FOCUS ON THEIR OWN EGOS WANTS AND NEEDS ALL THE TIME AND STILL DO. They live a dull cock boring lifestyle where nothing matters unless they get a erection they they jump up like jack in the box or react to stimuli. They can't even throw 1 or 2 of their customers my way so that I could get experience for a job.

Now the trans person blames me for everything. I just want to be happy and be away from them. The trans guy is like a lunatic moving around with no brains in head constantly. And now some bitch that is his supposed friend is happy that he cut his dick off because she is safe. You see she was also raped by her brother and all men even weak men are out to get her and she wants to get revenge on them. I can't handle him. He blames me and says his cat gets agitated because I snap. "I know honey she drives you crazy and snaps." And than when I tell trans man he is angry he denies it and swards he perfect and happy, but than has these wild moodswings.

He yells and screams and rants when he gets up in the morning and is filled with anger and turmoil and his cat goes crazy running under my bed to hide. But he is perfect and has an excuse for all his actions so it must be somebody elses fault. The ttrans man gets angry nervous and jumpity all the time like he is always turned on, always hiked up on energy.

I miss J she was the only real normal person I ever got to talk to here. I got along with her the best.  She was the most real person I had to deal with here. One Jewish woman said why don't I marry an old fart Irish guy when I complained that he was hitting on me.

It's like complete misery here and this is my happiness. Well at least I had peace and quiet for 1 day.

WHY I THINK THE GAY COMMUNITY IS STUPID AND THE LEFT HOMELESS SUPPORTERS ARE ALSO STUPID.

Someone found me on social media and some young white guy leftist or gay posted a photo of himself with "big rainbow Pride Love" spelled out in front of him on a site where people ARE TRYING TO HUSTLE SELL SHIT AND MAKE SOME MONEY.  Do they think they are special. It's like me selling something online and telling people I have straight sex. Its kind of aggravating and annoying like who the fuck cares.

Oh yes the homeless supporters commenting. NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT LONDON IT IS GAY FRIENDLY. FFFS. It's London it's been that way for a effing long time now where the eff have you been. It's 2018.

NEW IDEA. Straight People should also act like retards and take photos of themselves with big letters in front of them that spell out S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T in a colorful rainbow.

WHAT I MEANT ABOUT NUDITY AND BE ASHAMED OF YOUR BODY AND AMERICANS THAT TRY TO PROVE THEY ARE BETTER THAN OTHER AMERICANS.

Okay so reccently there was some young guy on social media and he was but ass naked showing off his ass to everyone to show other Americans down and how stupid they are and they should be like him.

When I wore a thong on the beach that one times. It was because I was happy, felt sexy and felt good about myself. I never felt uncomfortable or that people would look at me differently for doing that. I could have any kind of thoughts or dress however I pleased. I was confident maybe because of the people I lived around.  I did it because I enjoyed my life and I didn't do it to show off to a million people on social media. Actually I might be shy doing that.

Right now I wouldn't dress that way or close in what is supposed to be the most open minded city in the US which is actually the most ghetto city in the US mixed in with insecure old farts that repress themselves. Because old fuddy duddies or old ugly goofy looking men is always a sign of intelligence and knowing what you are doing so these old farts hire eachother all of the time including old fart women. Or men just feel more at ease around old ugly men like themselves.

MY JOBS AND WHO HIRED ME IN THE PAST. MY 1ST EMPLOYER.

I am going to go to my jobs to prove a point. My 1st employer was a Cuban guy, but the entire restaurant chain was managed by white men. 

Actually the white fatso man that oversaw this division of restaurants didn't want to hire me at first. He only hired me because he hired my brother and my brother had a cock and my brothers dick vouched for me. The fatso later told me he didn't think I could handle it, not sure why he would think that.

My 1st Employer was Cuban. I workded for a restaurant chain and people are aways trying to insult me telling me to clean toilets or whatever. Actually I was happy working there and washing dishes and dealing with people. I actually liked the people I used to work with I enjoyed working more around them then high and mighty gay and straight men. They were pretty easy going. They were simple to deal with. My Cuban manager showed me how to do things like refill the ice cream machine and did not pressure me to do anything for him. I actually liked working there and got along with most of the Cubans I worked with there and actually had fun.

The weird part is my mother was always putting down Cubans and immigrants and praising black men and making me think I was crazy.

ARE ALL GUATEMALANS POOR???

WELL SHIT THEY HAVE MORE MONEY THAN i DO.

I KNEW A GUATEMALAN MAN BOUGHT A HOUSE IN GUATEMALA THAT RETURNED TO HIS COUNTRY BECAUSE HE HATED DEALING WITH CUBANS. HE WORKED HIS ENTIRE LIFE FOR JEWISH PEOPLE SO SHOULD WE FEEL SORRY FOR HIM AND HE CAN TRAVEL WHEN HE WANTS.

I ONLY SAY THIS BECAUSE SOME WHITE 'MERICA WOMAN TOLD A EUROPEAN THAT THEY SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THEY TRAVEL TO ALL OF THESE POOR COUNTRIES.

ALSO DOES HAVING THE MOST POPULAR ANSWER, MOST UPVOTES MAKE IT CORRECT.

IS THIS THE FUTURE OF IDIOTS

IF I SAY THE SKY IS NEON PINK AND GET 500 UPVOTES AND WIN A POPULARITY CONTEST WILL THE MORONS ON THE LEFT SAY AGREED. AND OF COURSE I HAVE THE NOW POPULAR ANSWER SO IT MUST BE RIGHT.

SOME THOUGHTS ON STUPID ANTI-TRUMP FOLLOWERS AKA DUMBASSES

SOME GUY STATED IF YOU LIKE TRUMP THAN PLEASE UNFOLLOW ME BECAUSE YOU MUST BE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING OF COURSE RACIST, SEXIST, HOMOPHOBE ETC.

This week this same guy that hates Trump well he is going on vacation outside of the country. WHY IS IT THAT EVERYONE THAT HATES TRUMP IS A JEW OR BROWN SKINNED MINORITY WITH LOTSO MONEY. AND HAS EXPERIENCED THE HARDSHIP OF HAVING A JOB HANDED TO THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE JEWISH OR A MINORITY AND ALSO THE RACISM OF TAKING A VACATION. WHY IS IT THAT ALL THESE SPOILED LITTLE JACKASSES HATE HIM. MAYBE THEY ARE ALWAYS USED TO GETTING THEIR OWN WAY.

It doesn't make sense. If I get to work and travel i would be happy and young and instead they are miserable sacks of shit. BUT yet traveling makes you open minded. hahahahahahaha
Than why are there so many dumbasses that are closeminded and ignorant, but they travel.

GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE MAKES YOU OPEN MINDED, GETTING TO KNOW ALL ABOUT THEM WHICH MEANS THEY HAVE TO ACCEPT YOU AND YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THEM AND NOT ALL CULTURES ARE ALWAYS LIKE THAT.  AND NOT ALL PEOPLE ALWAYS GET ALONG. SO I CALL BULLSHIT TRAVEL DOESN'T MAKE YOU OPEN MINDED, BUT YOU CAN LEARN ALOT FROM SOME PEOPLE IT DEPENDS IF THEY ARE OPEN AND YOU ARE OPEN TO IT. HOW OLD YOU ARE. AND IF YOU HAVE LIVED IN A PLACE LONG ENOUGH TO GET TO KNOW CERTAIN PEOPLE OTHEWISE YOU ARE JUST FULL OF SHIT AND YOU ARE NOT OPEN MINDED.

MORE NARCISSISTIC BULLSHIT and my mother's ex

Also I have realized that my mother mentally f-kcs with me, but it's hard to get away from. Like my brother is now part of this gay superior community and thinks he know it all and is extremely arrogant and cocky saying Russia was always multicultural even before the czar. And I told him it wasnt' and tell him he's wrong, but now apparently he has a full world history knowledge on Russia.

And I tell my mother this and she says he only annoys me because I don't have any friends right now or anyone else to talk to(this gets to me, bothers me and makes me feel bad). What my mother said threw me off just now. Later I think NO if someone is an a--hole that would piss me off even if I had friends to talk to. It's like there is something wrong with me for getting agitated by what he said. I would still get agitated by an elitist a--hole. but my mother is a narcissist and above reacting to people so when she tells me this it throws me off at first and I agree with her. They throw you for a mind trip. Like there is something wrong with me.

My mother's ex was an angry abusive black man that she chose to be with and thats what shse wanted, but when I say she had it easy. She's say no I didn't look at how fucked up I had it, but that was your choice. She went after him specifically and thats what she got enjoyment from.

FEEL LIKE I AM TRAPPED, LONELY AND STUCK IN HERE ALL DAY LONG.

What have I done all day. Even if I did make some money. It's depressing and lonely here. I need human contact outside of this asshole place.
My mother's frustrating because it's too late for me to have anything in life and she's like well. Even if I did get any money it would only give me some comfort that I could move out of here and have at least normal neighbors I could talk to.

So I had to repress myself for their needs and wants and than their needs and wants wants me which doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

TRANS MAN AND HIS ATTITUDE

He was up all night yesterday reciting his 4 page essay paper out loud until 3am or 4 am in the morning . It's like living with a mental patient. In between she mumbles how she is going to do the same thing to me and how she is going to get even with me. I could not even prepare for my interview where I have to practice outloud because she said I was doing it all day and that she's going to do what the fuck she wants to do. She says you always doing it you were practicing out loud all day yesterday. So I can ignore what ppeople say, but she or he has me paranoid like I can't do shit around her otherwise she gets upset and says you always do it and blows up.

I have no friends here so need to get away.

Than to spite me when I get up and I am about to get my coffee she gets off her video game grabs her coffee cup and goes to get her coffee.

Now she is calm happy and okay, but she's psychotic.

Someeone asked how the trans person is doing. How about me, How about how I am doing? How much more of this can I take?

MY THOUGHTS ABOUT AMERICANS, and YES I THINK ABOUT THE PAST, IT WAS BETTER FOR ME, mmmkay.

I think it's wierd how one of the biggest cities in the world is non-sexual or anti-sexual.

In mk I used to lie on the beach in my bikini looking good because I was a young person enjoying myself. And of course I enjoyed the attention of young guys my own age. I could feel sexual and think sexual and it wasn't a big brouhaha or big deal.  I was able to show myself off. Than I moved to N-World and I was robbed of that by grown ass old men that try to act like cute little boys wanted to take care of someone because they have lotso money. Boooooorrrrriiinnnnnnnnngggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now you would think that one of the biggest cities in the world is liberal and progressive when actually it's not it's hard and it's dirty and nasty.

AMERICANS AND SEXUALITY OR WHATEVER

EXAMPLE #1, NUMERO UNO
Some young white American guy was naked and posted a photo of his backside online in front of a waterfall and was arrogant and said it's for all the uptight Americans etc, etc, etc. You can be naked and still be a cold non feeling person. Theres nothing sensual about it. It doesn't mean you felt good about yourself when you posted your naked ass online to show off that you are that 1 rare open minded American. It doesn't make a difference. It's how you feel about yourself. Europeans don't flash themselves to show off how advanced they are by showing a naked body to the world.  When I wore a bikini I felt good about myself when I was younger and liked doing this for attention and appreciation or because I liked my body and got to do this for a little while and it was fun. Or because young guys my own age noticed me and they were full of life. I did not post it or post myself in a bikini online because I was angry and wanted to show people down for being close minded Americans. I am not really sure if 'Mericans get the difference and this is were leftist retards fail. I wore a bikini because I enjoyed doing it and people appreciate youth in Mk. They don't do that in N-WORLD.  In N-World they appreciate old ugly abusive men and angry retards and surround themselves with this and give them whatever they want.

Now I am so detached and removed from that life that I don't do that anymore.

You can post your naked body online and still not enjoy doing it.

They don't get it. Not sure if I do.
Example: They are embarrassed by themselves because they are not used to showing themselves off in a big open minded city. haha

They hate youth, life and energy, but love old abusive angry drunk men and that's what they invest their money in N-WORLD. They are afraid of youth and hate youth, but than they want it.

I just want laughter and to be happy again.

EVERYONE'S HERE TO SIT ON THEIR ASS AND WAIT FOR YOU TO WANT SOMETHING...............

What I think about men, some people, and my ugly Phillipino cousin. And some Puerto Ricans.

While some of my family is living the simple good like and

I am exhausted and have no energy today. Feel drained from 7am in the morning until 12pm noon homo angry old nasty prick man was banging a weed blower against my window which was loud as hell and disturbing as fuck. Homo shithead is directing his anger at me because his lazy gay ass can't get up in the morning to go to work and never good cause he was to scared, hence a weak pussy faggot man.

RANDOM STUFF, NARCISSIST LIKE TO PROP THEMSELVES UP.

I think it's a pride thing narcissist and sociopaths are all about the ego so by saying they feel sorry for people or others they are trying to show that they are better people than you or I am. Its to boost their egos pretty sure about that. Or cover up how evil they are and place it on you. Someone said they can't internalize these bad feelings or bad thoughts they have they hate themselves so they have to externalize it by making you out to be the evil one. Something like that.

My ex was an abuser or sort of co-rapist and he would look at me and at some strange person in a wheel chair and ask me if I felt sorry for him or them and I should be grateful. Like if I didn't feel sorry for every random suffering stranger there was something wrong with me. It's like an uppity think narcissist have to put themselves on a pedestal so that they are above you and superior to you. Its extremely sick and twisted. They are extremely sick and warped people.

THEY LIKE TO PROP THEMSELVES UP.

Someone elses comment,but I need it as a reminder.

 "If someone can't tell which one of you is telling the truth, it's okay to cut them out of your life until they see the light. If they never do, they weren't meant to be in your life."

NARCISSIST, IF YOU TRY TO TELL THEIR ARSE OFF THEY GIVE YOU THE COLD SHOULDER.

And act hurt, they won't do anything for you and bribe you so that you can't get angry at them. And if you do get angry at them don't ask them for anything and don't ask them for a favor.

MY MOTHER THE WARPED SICK BITCH.

Than when I get angry and snap because I am sick of tired of dealing with my brothers bullshit. My mother mutters to me in her miserable cunt voice "Oh shut up." I just told her ass off and she threatens me and tells me she will have them call the cops on me for yelling at her.

Yes gaslighting they are experts at gaslighting and playing mental games with you and than when you react to them and yell at them they threathen to call the cops on you.

But at least I am happy that I told her ass off.

TRANS MAN WHAT THEY ARE REALLY LIKE

So I go into take a shower and the trans guy looks at me gets irritated and says "Can I get in there before you take over the bathroom" so he's cocky and arrogant to begin with. Than after awhile I check and he is at the sink and I think he went in there for awhile to fuck with me. So I knock and tell him I have to get in there while my Uncle is out. And he comes out of there with an attitude storming all over the place I am about to say I didn't know you would get out and he says "Whatever" puts his nose in the air and storms off aways from me with his attitude and high and mighty attitude.
His mother said that I have to cater to him and say "Im sorry". When an angry king penis man with no brains in his head has an attitude you have to cater to their angry asses. My mother would have wrapped me across the face as a teen girl and brought me right down from any ego highs I was on. But this trans guys mother supports his nasty fucking attitude and wants people to grovel to him.

The trans man was out so it was peaceful all week. And when I go to his mother to explain she says"there's static why can't there ever be peace between you two." Not me I try to tell her it's his son she should be telling her son off and than she  says I don't want to hear it.

Than he talks sweet as pie to his gay nasty ass friends. Good luck with them because I don't want to be around you anymore. The trans guy wants someone to kiss his ass.

Probably Narcissism he is irritated without himself as a man and cant take it out on his mother so he gives me the nasty irritated looks like he is irritated with me but hates that hes a man.

MORE NARCISSISTIC BULLSH-T

Mom
When I was a kid she kept me home from school at times even though I wanted to go like a normal person and it didn't feel right to me. And she would ask me what I wanted to do and if I wanted to stay home to try to coax me into it at times when I was happy going into class. Maybe it was more for her. It was something I didn't want to do.
In grade school I was a pushover and some adopted white girl borrowed my cross and never returned it and I never told my mother because she would blame it on me. Because the adopted girl stole the gold cross my Jewish grandmother gave to me for my communion.

Me too I feel like I have had to be that way because narcissist do nothing but cause problems even though my mother is always saying she gets things done. Not the important things and not the things that need to get done to live your life and be happy and than she puts my back up agains a wall like what am I doing to fix my life.

I also live in a extremely narcissistic area. And alot of people wave their hands around snapping their fingers and taking charge with no brains in head, but when it comes to actually doing something that is important and needs fixing they are weak, useless and sit on their rear like morons and their minds go blanks. My Uncle actually said he is stupid, but had tons of money to do whatever they damn well please and TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR BELONGINGS by getting rid of them. Really why not take charge of your own stuff. 
Butt when someone asks me to come down from the high and ask a question on my own king dick men get confused.