Also I have realized that my mother mentally f-kcs with me, but it's hard to get away from. Like my brother is now part of this gay superior community and thinks he know it all and is extremely arrogant and cocky saying Russia was always multicultural even before the czar. And I told him it wasnt' and tell him he's wrong, but now apparently he has a full world history knowledge on Russia.
And I tell my mother this and she says he only annoys me because I don't have any friends right now or anyone else to talk to(this gets to me, bothers me and makes me feel bad). What my mother said threw me off just now. Later I think NO if someone is an a--hole that would piss me off even if I had friends to talk to. It's like there is something wrong with me for getting agitated by what he said. I would still get agitated by an elitist a--hole. but my mother is a narcissist and above reacting to people so when she tells me this it throws me off at first and I agree with her. They throw you for a mind trip. Like there is something wrong with me.
My mother's ex was an angry abusive black man that she chose to be with and thats what shse wanted, but when I say she had it easy. She's say no I didn't look at how fucked up I had it, but that was your choice. She went after him specifically and thats what she got enjoyment from.
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