IM JUST NOT IN THE MOOD TO LISTEN TO CHRISTMAS MUSIC THIS YEAR.

I am just kind of frustrated have a lot of problems, have no friends and not happy or not in the mood to celebrate Christmas. Maybe once I get out of here I will be happier.

MY BROTHER BREAKS MY SHIT AND MY MOTHER SAYS HE HAS A RIGHT TO................

My mother is a sick twisted bitch.
I wake up to my purple spray bottle broken and my towel hanger broken and my towel on the floor which my angry king shit brother did.
My mothers response.
Where was the towel?
Was it on his side of the room?
I hear "What made king penis man angry, you made king penis man angry."
Than she comes in here wanting to talk to me. and after I try to explain that I WAS SLEEPING AT 5 OR 6AM IN THE MORNING WHEN HE WAS HAVING AN ANGRY HOMO KING SHIT MOODSWING.
Her response you have to work together.
Thats what happened with grandma she came in between your aunt and uncle when they were having fights.
Than I tell her IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ROOM BEING A MESS.
AND THE STUPID BITCH SAYS.
ACTUALLY IT DOES.

THE BEST PART IS AS AN OLD WOMAN SHE NEEDS TO GET EVEN SO SHE THROWS OUT MY CARDBOARD CONTAINER IN THE GARBAGE THAT'S NON-RECYCABLE HOPING SHE WILL PISS OFF KING PENISH MAN AKA MY UNCLE

When she plays these games it makes me angry.

Can you imagine what kind of twat would see a woman get raped and blame it on her because she had things on his side of the room that made him get angry.

NOW MY MOTHER EXCUSES EVERYTHING MY GAY ASSHOLE ANGRY KING SHIT MAN BROTHER DOES.

NEXT GOAL I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THEM AND/or AT LEAST DISTANCE MYSELF.
SHE DOES NOT ACKNOWLEDGE ANYTHING HE DOES WRONG AT ALL.

MY HOMO FAG UNCLE

HE WATCHES ME WHEN i MASTURBATE IN THE BATHROOM. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PRIVACY WHATSOEVER. THAN MY MOTHER YESTERDAY ASK ME TO SEE IF UNCLE-------WANTS A DONUT FUCKIN HELLS NO.
i HAVE TO WORRY WHEN HE BRINGS IN THE MAIL BECAUSE HE CAN'T SEE FOR SHIT CLOSE UP AND MAY ACCIDENTLY GIVE MY MAIL TO THE PERSON NEXT DOOR.

USUALLY I LISTEN TO THE PERSON THAT KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING. MAN OR WOMAN IT DOESN'T MATTER. IM AN ADULT I CAN FIGURE THINGS OUT FOR MYSELF AND DEAL WITH PEOPLE DIRECTLY OR IN A DIRECT MANNER.

TRANS AND FAKE PUSSY BULLSHIT

It's all fucking fake. So now this Trans Person wants ovaries for Christmas.
Yesterday I told him the heat he uses in the room bothers me.
And he yells at me like a moron "How can the heat bother you."
But it does and gives me a headache. And he said this because I had to be nice and smile to him and ask him if he could turn it off for a little while and he got annoyed at me. And this is someone, another fake pussy woman, that wants to have kid. So I have to pretend about everything with this fake woman. Her ego needs to be stroked and pleased ALL THE TIME. Before as a man she was more normal.

And than he will say "I DON'T SEE HOW MY HEATER CAN CAUSE YOU TO HAVE HEADACHES. HES ANOTHER ANGRY KIND PENISH MAN HOMO WITH NO BRAINS IN HIS HEAD. AND HE IS NOT EVEN NICE ANYMORE. MOST NORMAL PEOPLE WILL SAY OH OKAY THE HEAT GIVES YOU A HEADACHE, THERES NO AIR IN HERE AND IT DRIES OUT THE AIR THAT IS IN HERE SO i CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD GET A MIGRAINE. BUT NOT HIM. HE NEEDS TO GET ANGRY AT PEOPLE WITH NO BRAINS IN HIS HEAD.

How do you fucking argue someone else's body chemistry.

Why I hate my family.
My MOTHER TURNED DOWN MONEY.  MY MOTHER TURNED DOWN EVERYTHING AND ALL OF MY FAMILY CALLS AND IS CONCERNED AND ASK HOW SHE IS DOING.

My American Family.

or its like this. My American family. My cousin is nice mentally stable. But Americans are paranoid what if I leave for vacation and my middle age neice steals something. Everyone is out to get them because they are right Americans have big houses and have too much. So we are close on big holidays when I go over there and even if I went there for a few days. But they don't want the responsibility of taking anyone in. If anyone is wondering why white Americans or Americans are like this. I guess it's because there is no real closeness. They only take care of their immediate family spouse and kids and thats it. Taking care of or even just helping someone else out there is a wierdness or it's awkward. I guess it's the extrreme side of selfishness.

Maybe it is like Varg said Americans are even paranoid about losing the useless shit and they only care when there is a reason or purpose.

If I ever left Nworld I have no strong feelings toward anyone and would not really hurt for anyone or miss them if I left here. When I lived in Mk someone made me happy and I hurt when I left him. No not here.

NO ONE CAN EVER COMPARE TO WHAT GRANDMA DID, DEAR GOD PLEASE SAVE ME FROM MY MOTHERS INTENSE BULLSHIT

sO MY BROTHERS GETTING REALLY HIGH AND MIGHTY, COCKY AND ARROGANT.  I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THEM. AT THIS POINT I DON'T CARE WHAT THE FUCK HAPPYENS.

I TRY TO BE NICE TO MY BROTHER AND HE TELLS ME "I HAVE A CLIENT TOMORROW I HAVE REAL WORK TO DO."
than I talk to my mother and she says NO ONE CAN EVER, EVER COMPARE TO WHAT YOU GRANDMOTHER HAS DONE. i CANT DO IT ANYMORE ITS TOO MUCH FOR ME. SHES TOO MUCH FOR ME.
MY GRANDMOTHER TOOK A JOB SO SHE HAD MONEY SHE WASNT STRUGGLING FOR 10 CENTS A DAY EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY WHILE HER OWN MOTHER GAVE AWAY JOBS AND MONEY.

what I miss and what makes me feel bad............................

I called the hot guy once because I was happy in Mk. So I want to go back there because this is hard and boring as hell in N-WORLD, BUT MEN HERE SEEM TO LIKE THE BORING LIFESTYLE WHERE THEY DO EVERYTHING THEY WANT.

ANYWAY THE ONE TIME I CALLED HIM. HE TOLD ME HOW HE TRAVELED ALL OVER THE PLACE WHILE I STAYED PUT HERE DOING NOTHING. AND THAN IT MADE ME UPSET BECAUSE I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD THE LUXURY OF WATCHING A ROMANTIC MOVIE WITH A GUY I LIKE. I AM HERE SUFFERING AND THAN i GET JEALOUS OF YOUNG WOMEN HAVING KIDS.

N-WORLD IS BORING AND DISGUSTING.

NEW FRIDGE AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY

i THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY, BUT I AM STILL ANGRY AND IT HASN'T TAKEN THE BURDEN OFFOF ME  WITH NO BRAINS IN HEAD.

i AM TIRED AND EXHAUSTED FROM LIVING WITH THE BURDEN OF DEALING WITH THEM MY FAMILY AND MEN IN N-WO

I AM TIRED OF DEALING WITH ANGRT SENSITIVE HOMOSEXUAL KING PENBISG MEN WITH NO BRAINS IN THEIR HEADS AND THE BURDEN THAT IS STILL ON MY SHOULDERS. THE REFRIGERATOR DID NOTHING TO LIFT THAT BURDEN, MAKE ME HAPPY OR GET ME AWAY FROM THESE HOMOES.

My cousin doesn't invite me places
I thought it was becuse of the alt-right stuff I posted, but now I think she is fucked up in the head and I insulted her sons father in law or told his ass off. And old Irish baby boomer fuckheads in N-WORLD HATE REALITY.

IF YOU ARE REALLY AN OLD LONELY IRISH MAN WOULDN'T YOU MOVE TOWARDS OLD PUSSY TO HIT ON ALSO. IT'S WIERD THAT THEY WANT TO MOVE TOWARDS ME TO USE ME AND FUCK ME OVER AND SCREW ME OVER.

MY DEGENERATE UNCLE AND NEW FRIDGE

I AM NOT SURE IF i DID THE RIGHT THING JUST YET.  I GOT A NEW FRIDGE BECAUSE I WAS PISSED AT THE WAY WE ARE LIVING MY MOTHER AND I HAVE REFRIGERATORS FOR COLLEGE STUDENTS THAT ARE SMALL AND i AM SUPPOSED TO FIT ALL OF MY FOOD IN THERE AND MY MOTHER AND WE LIVE LIKE ANIMALS.

SO I GOT THE FRIDGE AND MY JACKASS ASSHOLE FAGGOT UNCLE IS PULLING OFF THE TAPE AND TAKING OUT THE CARDBOARD LIKE IT'S HIS FRIDGE AND HE HOVERS AROUND. HE IS WEIRD.

I GOT THE NEW FRIDGE TO MAKE THINGS EASIER, BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I AM BEING USED AND I AM NOT HAPPIER. I AM NOT SURE IF EVERYTHING I DID HASN'T MADE THINGS BETTER No matter what i do or what hoops I try to jump through.

MY MOTHER JUST TOLD ME HOW TO DO MY JOB AND TO TRY SOMETHING CREATIVE.

WHEN I TELL HER THEY DONT WANT YOU TO COME UP WITH YOUR OWN REWARD SYSTEM SHE GETS ANNOYED LEAVES THE ROOM STARTS IN WITH ME AND SAYS BYE, BYE BYE IN A WHINY VOICE AND THAN SHE SAYS I DON'T HAVE THE TIME FOR YOU WHEN YOU GET LIKE THIS.

MOM, NARCISSISM, VICTIM, CONTROL

So I went out to try to buy a fridge. It's one of the major things we need right now. All we have is college age dormitory fridges.

Long story short. My mother and I went to the store got the Fridge and as we are leaving she said she is going to throw out her freezer. She has to do this. A few weeks ago she threw out some of my food that was in her freezer and when I complained she said she had a right to do it becuase it's HER FREEZER. Her freezer that she paid for and prizes so much and now she wants to get rid of it.

So than she is like you can have the big freezer and I will take the freezer in the new fridge since you and soandso like to mess up the freezer and keep all your food in it. And I am like why can't we just share it whats the big deal and she goes into a tirade yells at me walks off and tells me she is taking the older college fridge and me and soandso can have everything. We can have the big freezer and the new fridge because she just can't deal with it.

Here he goes.

Trans man is talking and ranting a mile a minute. These people are in turmoil and not at peace.

NARCISSIST MOTHER AND NARCISSIST TRANS MAN AGITATED AND NOT SETTLED

Had to run out and do chores today and my mother is a nervous wreck and irritable. The are her words.

"She doesn't like to go out when its raining. She doesn't like to go out at night time." She gripes about every last and little thing. Everything is a hassle.

She hates immigration which I understand, but than when I ask why my Uncle that had a big shit job couldn't help me out or my brother by getting us a job her response is. "I don't want to hear it. I don't want to argue."

He didn't WANT to move his ass. I'll tell her it's not all the immigrants. My uncles and fire liutenant and gay king shit Jewish narcissistic men had the ABILITY to get the fuck up their asses and help me out, BUT THEY DID NOTHING BUT FOCUS ON THEIR OWN EGOS WANTS AND NEEDS ALL THE TIME AND STILL DO. They live a dull cock boring lifestyle where nothing matters unless they get a erection they they jump up like jack in the box or react to stimuli. They can't even throw 1 or 2 of their customers my way so that I could get experience for a job.

Now the trans person blames me for everything. I just want to be happy and be away from them. The trans guy is like a lunatic moving around with no brains in head constantly. And now some bitch that is his supposed friend is happy that he cut his dick off because she is safe. You see she was also raped by her brother and all men even weak men are out to get her and she wants to get revenge on them. I can't handle him. He blames me and says his cat gets agitated because I snap. "I know honey she drives you crazy and snaps." And than when I tell trans man he is angry he denies it and swards he perfect and happy, but than has these wild moodswings.

He yells and screams and rants when he gets up in the morning and is filled with anger and turmoil and his cat goes crazy running under my bed to hide. But he is perfect and has an excuse for all his actions so it must be somebody elses fault. The ttrans man gets angry nervous and jumpity all the time like he is always turned on, always hiked up on energy.

I miss J she was the only real normal person I ever got to talk to here. I got along with her the best.  She was the most real person I had to deal with here. One Jewish woman said why don't I marry an old fart Irish guy when I complained that he was hitting on me.

It's like complete misery here and this is my happiness. Well at least I had peace and quiet for 1 day.

WHY I THINK THE GAY COMMUNITY IS STUPID AND THE LEFT HOMELESS SUPPORTERS ARE ALSO STUPID.

Someone found me on social media and some young white guy leftist or gay posted a photo of himself with "big rainbow Pride Love" spelled out in front of him on a site where people ARE TRYING TO HUSTLE SELL SHIT AND MAKE SOME MONEY.  Do they think they are special. It's like me selling something online and telling people I have straight sex. Its kind of aggravating and annoying like who the fuck cares.

Oh yes the homeless supporters commenting. NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT LONDON IT IS GAY FRIENDLY. FFFS. It's London it's been that way for a effing long time now where the eff have you been. It's 2018.

NEW IDEA. Straight People should also act like retards and take photos of themselves with big letters in front of them that spell out S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T in a colorful rainbow.

WHAT I MEANT ABOUT NUDITY AND BE ASHAMED OF YOUR BODY AND AMERICANS THAT TRY TO PROVE THEY ARE BETTER THAN OTHER AMERICANS.

Okay so reccently there was some young guy on social media and he was but ass naked showing off his ass to everyone to show other Americans down and how stupid they are and they should be like him.

When I wore a thong on the beach that one times. It was because I was happy, felt sexy and felt good about myself. I never felt uncomfortable or that people would look at me differently for doing that. I could have any kind of thoughts or dress however I pleased. I was confident maybe because of the people I lived around.  I did it because I enjoyed my life and I didn't do it to show off to a million people on social media. Actually I might be shy doing that.

Right now I wouldn't dress that way or close in what is supposed to be the most open minded city in the US which is actually the most ghetto city in the US mixed in with insecure old farts that repress themselves. Because old fuddy duddies or old ugly goofy looking men is always a sign of intelligence and knowing what you are doing so these old farts hire eachother all of the time including old fart women. Or men just feel more at ease around old ugly men like themselves.

MY JOBS AND WHO HIRED ME IN THE PAST. MY 1ST EMPLOYER.

I am going to go to my jobs to prove a point. My 1st employer was a Cuban guy, but the entire restaurant chain was managed by white men. 

Actually the white fatso man that oversaw this division of restaurants didn't want to hire me at first. He only hired me because he hired my brother and my brother had a cock and my brothers dick vouched for me. The fatso later told me he didn't think I could handle it, not sure why he would think that.

My 1st Employer was Cuban. I workded for a restaurant chain and people are aways trying to insult me telling me to clean toilets or whatever. Actually I was happy working there and washing dishes and dealing with people. I actually liked the people I used to work with I enjoyed working more around them then high and mighty gay and straight men. They were pretty easy going. They were simple to deal with. My Cuban manager showed me how to do things like refill the ice cream machine and did not pressure me to do anything for him. I actually liked working there and got along with most of the Cubans I worked with there and actually had fun.

The weird part is my mother was always putting down Cubans and immigrants and praising black men and making me think I was crazy.

ARE ALL GUATEMALANS POOR???

WELL SHIT THEY HAVE MORE MONEY THAN i DO.

I KNEW A GUATEMALAN MAN BOUGHT A HOUSE IN GUATEMALA THAT RETURNED TO HIS COUNTRY BECAUSE HE HATED DEALING WITH CUBANS. HE WORKED HIS ENTIRE LIFE FOR JEWISH PEOPLE SO SHOULD WE FEEL SORRY FOR HIM AND HE CAN TRAVEL WHEN HE WANTS.

I ONLY SAY THIS BECAUSE SOME WHITE 'MERICA WOMAN TOLD A EUROPEAN THAT THEY SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THEY TRAVEL TO ALL OF THESE POOR COUNTRIES.

ALSO DOES HAVING THE MOST POPULAR ANSWER, MOST UPVOTES MAKE IT CORRECT.

IS THIS THE FUTURE OF IDIOTS

IF I SAY THE SKY IS NEON PINK AND GET 500 UPVOTES AND WIN A POPULARITY CONTEST WILL THE MORONS ON THE LEFT SAY AGREED. AND OF COURSE I HAVE THE NOW POPULAR ANSWER SO IT MUST BE RIGHT.

SOME THOUGHTS ON STUPID ANTI-TRUMP FOLLOWERS AKA DUMBASSES

SOME GUY STATED IF YOU LIKE TRUMP THAN PLEASE UNFOLLOW ME BECAUSE YOU MUST BE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING OF COURSE RACIST, SEXIST, HOMOPHOBE ETC.

This week this same guy that hates Trump well he is going on vacation outside of the country. WHY IS IT THAT EVERYONE THAT HATES TRUMP IS A JEW OR BROWN SKINNED MINORITY WITH LOTSO MONEY. AND HAS EXPERIENCED THE HARDSHIP OF HAVING A JOB HANDED TO THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE JEWISH OR A MINORITY AND ALSO THE RACISM OF TAKING A VACATION. WHY IS IT THAT ALL THESE SPOILED LITTLE JACKASSES HATE HIM. MAYBE THEY ARE ALWAYS USED TO GETTING THEIR OWN WAY.

It doesn't make sense. If I get to work and travel i would be happy and young and instead they are miserable sacks of shit. BUT yet traveling makes you open minded. hahahahahahaha
Than why are there so many dumbasses that are closeminded and ignorant, but they travel.

GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE MAKES YOU OPEN MINDED, GETTING TO KNOW ALL ABOUT THEM WHICH MEANS THEY HAVE TO ACCEPT YOU AND YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THEM AND NOT ALL CULTURES ARE ALWAYS LIKE THAT.  AND NOT ALL PEOPLE ALWAYS GET ALONG. SO I CALL BULLSHIT TRAVEL DOESN'T MAKE YOU OPEN MINDED, BUT YOU CAN LEARN ALOT FROM SOME PEOPLE IT DEPENDS IF THEY ARE OPEN AND YOU ARE OPEN TO IT. HOW OLD YOU ARE. AND IF YOU HAVE LIVED IN A PLACE LONG ENOUGH TO GET TO KNOW CERTAIN PEOPLE OTHEWISE YOU ARE JUST FULL OF SHIT AND YOU ARE NOT OPEN MINDED.

MORE NARCISSISTIC BULLSHIT and my mother's ex

Also I have realized that my mother mentally f-kcs with me, but it's hard to get away from. Like my brother is now part of this gay superior community and thinks he know it all and is extremely arrogant and cocky saying Russia was always multicultural even before the czar. And I told him it wasnt' and tell him he's wrong, but now apparently he has a full world history knowledge on Russia.

And I tell my mother this and she says he only annoys me because I don't have any friends right now or anyone else to talk to(this gets to me, bothers me and makes me feel bad). What my mother said threw me off just now. Later I think NO if someone is an a--hole that would piss me off even if I had friends to talk to. It's like there is something wrong with me for getting agitated by what he said. I would still get agitated by an elitist a--hole. but my mother is a narcissist and above reacting to people so when she tells me this it throws me off at first and I agree with her. They throw you for a mind trip. Like there is something wrong with me.

My mother's ex was an angry abusive black man that she chose to be with and thats what shse wanted, but when I say she had it easy. She's say no I didn't look at how fucked up I had it, but that was your choice. She went after him specifically and thats what she got enjoyment from.

FEEL LIKE I AM TRAPPED, LONELY AND STUCK IN HERE ALL DAY LONG.

What have I done all day. Even if I did make some money. It's depressing and lonely here. I need human contact outside of this asshole place.
My mother's frustrating because it's too late for me to have anything in life and she's like well. Even if I did get any money it would only give me some comfort that I could move out of here and have at least normal neighbors I could talk to.

So I had to repress myself for their needs and wants and than their needs and wants wants me which doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

TRANS MAN AND HIS ATTITUDE

He was up all night yesterday reciting his 4 page essay paper out loud until 3am or 4 am in the morning . It's like living with a mental patient. In between she mumbles how she is going to do the same thing to me and how she is going to get even with me. I could not even prepare for my interview where I have to practice outloud because she said I was doing it all day and that she's going to do what the fuck she wants to do. She says you always doing it you were practicing out loud all day yesterday. So I can ignore what ppeople say, but she or he has me paranoid like I can't do shit around her otherwise she gets upset and says you always do it and blows up.

I have no friends here so need to get away.

Than to spite me when I get up and I am about to get my coffee she gets off her video game grabs her coffee cup and goes to get her coffee.

Now she is calm happy and okay, but she's psychotic.

Someeone asked how the trans person is doing. How about me, How about how I am doing? How much more of this can I take?

MY THOUGHTS ABOUT AMERICANS, and YES I THINK ABOUT THE PAST, IT WAS BETTER FOR ME, mmmkay.

I think it's wierd how one of the biggest cities in the world is non-sexual or anti-sexual.

In mk I used to lie on the beach in my bikini looking good because I was a young person enjoying myself. And of course I enjoyed the attention of young guys my own age. I could feel sexual and think sexual and it wasn't a big brouhaha or big deal.  I was able to show myself off. Than I moved to N-World and I was robbed of that by grown ass old men that try to act like cute little boys wanted to take care of someone because they have lotso money. Boooooorrrrriiinnnnnnnnngggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now you would think that one of the biggest cities in the world is liberal and progressive when actually it's not it's hard and it's dirty and nasty.

AMERICANS AND SEXUALITY OR WHATEVER

EXAMPLE #1, NUMERO UNO
Some young white American guy was naked and posted a photo of his backside online in front of a waterfall and was arrogant and said it's for all the uptight Americans etc, etc, etc. You can be naked and still be a cold non feeling person. Theres nothing sensual about it. It doesn't mean you felt good about yourself when you posted your naked ass online to show off that you are that 1 rare open minded American. It doesn't make a difference. It's how you feel about yourself. Europeans don't flash themselves to show off how advanced they are by showing a naked body to the world.  When I wore a bikini I felt good about myself when I was younger and liked doing this for attention and appreciation or because I liked my body and got to do this for a little while and it was fun. Or because young guys my own age noticed me and they were full of life. I did not post it or post myself in a bikini online because I was angry and wanted to show people down for being close minded Americans. I am not really sure if 'Mericans get the difference and this is were leftist retards fail. I wore a bikini because I enjoyed doing it and people appreciate youth in Mk. They don't do that in N-WORLD.  In N-World they appreciate old ugly abusive men and angry retards and surround themselves with this and give them whatever they want.

Now I am so detached and removed from that life that I don't do that anymore.

You can post your naked body online and still not enjoy doing it.

They don't get it. Not sure if I do.
Example: They are embarrassed by themselves because they are not used to showing themselves off in a big open minded city. haha

They hate youth, life and energy, but love old abusive angry drunk men and that's what they invest their money in N-WORLD. They are afraid of youth and hate youth, but than they want it.

I just want laughter and to be happy again.

EVERYONE'S HERE TO SIT ON THEIR ASS AND WAIT FOR YOU TO WANT SOMETHING...............

What I think about men, some people, and my ugly Phillipino cousin. And some Puerto Ricans.

While some of my family is living the simple good like and

I am exhausted and have no energy today. Feel drained from 7am in the morning until 12pm noon homo angry old nasty prick man was banging a weed blower against my window which was loud as hell and disturbing as fuck. Homo shithead is directing his anger at me because his lazy gay ass can't get up in the morning to go to work and never good cause he was to scared, hence a weak pussy faggot man.

RANDOM STUFF, NARCISSIST LIKE TO PROP THEMSELVES UP.

I think it's a pride thing narcissist and sociopaths are all about the ego so by saying they feel sorry for people or others they are trying to show that they are better people than you or I am. Its to boost their egos pretty sure about that. Or cover up how evil they are and place it on you. Someone said they can't internalize these bad feelings or bad thoughts they have they hate themselves so they have to externalize it by making you out to be the evil one. Something like that.

My ex was an abuser or sort of co-rapist and he would look at me and at some strange person in a wheel chair and ask me if I felt sorry for him or them and I should be grateful. Like if I didn't feel sorry for every random suffering stranger there was something wrong with me. It's like an uppity think narcissist have to put themselves on a pedestal so that they are above you and superior to you. Its extremely sick and twisted. They are extremely sick and warped people.

THEY LIKE TO PROP THEMSELVES UP.

Someone elses comment,but I need it as a reminder.

 "If someone can't tell which one of you is telling the truth, it's okay to cut them out of your life until they see the light. If they never do, they weren't meant to be in your life."

NARCISSIST, IF YOU TRY TO TELL THEIR ARSE OFF THEY GIVE YOU THE COLD SHOULDER.

And act hurt, they won't do anything for you and bribe you so that you can't get angry at them. And if you do get angry at them don't ask them for anything and don't ask them for a favor.

MY MOTHER THE WARPED SICK BITCH.

Than when I get angry and snap because I am sick of tired of dealing with my brothers bullshit. My mother mutters to me in her miserable cunt voice "Oh shut up." I just told her ass off and she threatens me and tells me she will have them call the cops on me for yelling at her.

Yes gaslighting they are experts at gaslighting and playing mental games with you and than when you react to them and yell at them they threathen to call the cops on you.

But at least I am happy that I told her ass off.

TRANS MAN WHAT THEY ARE REALLY LIKE

So I go into take a shower and the trans guy looks at me gets irritated and says "Can I get in there before you take over the bathroom" so he's cocky and arrogant to begin with. Than after awhile I check and he is at the sink and I think he went in there for awhile to fuck with me. So I knock and tell him I have to get in there while my Uncle is out. And he comes out of there with an attitude storming all over the place I am about to say I didn't know you would get out and he says "Whatever" puts his nose in the air and storms off aways from me with his attitude and high and mighty attitude.
His mother said that I have to cater to him and say "Im sorry". When an angry king penis man with no brains in his head has an attitude you have to cater to their angry asses. My mother would have wrapped me across the face as a teen girl and brought me right down from any ego highs I was on. But this trans guys mother supports his nasty fucking attitude and wants people to grovel to him.

The trans man was out so it was peaceful all week. And when I go to his mother to explain she says"there's static why can't there ever be peace between you two." Not me I try to tell her it's his son she should be telling her son off and than she  says I don't want to hear it.

Than he talks sweet as pie to his gay nasty ass friends. Good luck with them because I don't want to be around you anymore. The trans guy wants someone to kiss his ass.

Probably Narcissism he is irritated without himself as a man and cant take it out on his mother so he gives me the nasty irritated looks like he is irritated with me but hates that hes a man.

MORE NARCISSISTIC BULLSH-T

Mom
When I was a kid she kept me home from school at times even though I wanted to go like a normal person and it didn't feel right to me. And she would ask me what I wanted to do and if I wanted to stay home to try to coax me into it at times when I was happy going into class. Maybe it was more for her. It was something I didn't want to do.
In grade school I was a pushover and some adopted white girl borrowed my cross and never returned it and I never told my mother because she would blame it on me. Because the adopted girl stole the gold cross my Jewish grandmother gave to me for my communion.

Me too I feel like I have had to be that way because narcissist do nothing but cause problems even though my mother is always saying she gets things done. Not the important things and not the things that need to get done to live your life and be happy and than she puts my back up agains a wall like what am I doing to fix my life.

I also live in a extremely narcissistic area. And alot of people wave their hands around snapping their fingers and taking charge with no brains in head, but when it comes to actually doing something that is important and needs fixing they are weak, useless and sit on their rear like morons and their minds go blanks. My Uncle actually said he is stupid, but had tons of money to do whatever they damn well please and TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR BELONGINGS by getting rid of them. Really why not take charge of your own stuff. 
Butt when someone asks me to come down from the high and ask a question on my own king dick men get confused.

THOUGHTS ON RACIAL DIVERSITY AND MEXICANS WANTING TO TAKE OVER.

I just read something some hispanic or Mexican talking sh-t about Cali that one day they are going to take over Cali. You never hear white people say one day they are going to take over Africa or one day they are going to take over South America. They don't want to or need to go down there and deal with that sh-t. So they want to come here and take over(haahahahaha) and turn this country to sh-t which is why I agree sometimes with the alt-right. Let them have their own white space.

You never even hear white people bragging about taking anyone elses women. Like we are going to take all your Mexican women cause they don't want them. And they are going to breed Natives or Mexicans out of existence so who are the real a--holes and where are these threats coming from.

My mother, throwing things out.

She throws my stuff out and it pisses me off. Because I bought this stuff.
I need my own place where I don't have to worry about having my stuff thrown out.

BABY BOOMER MEN, WHAT PISSES ME OFF

What gets me is that
#1 my 2nd cousins father in law told me he was a lonely and was hitting on me. This pissses me off because he's old enough TO BE MY FATHER. HE had his life, married sexy Argentinian pussy because that was what made him happy when he was younger. Lived a dull boring homo lifestyle and no problems. And I am sure his mind wandered, having happy thoughts when he was younger, but no I don't get that shit. I get what everyone else wants in life. Their wants and needs and oh yes his wife and him were separated when I met him, but this is not my problem. When I 1st moved to N-WORLD and begged for a job he was the typical homo jackass that ignored me.

#2 Ugly shithead phillipino asshole homo man lives a boring dull homo ugly lifestyle. For 16 years while I HAVE BEEN SUFFERING he and my uncle COMPLETELY IGNORE ME. IT'S A TRIO OF RETARDS.

I think why American men are lonely is that they put to much stock into having a woman or they don't have their own thing as all. Or American men think they are great in N-WORLD and aim to high. If you are a 68 old fart loser you should be aiming for 90 year old women at the nursing home. You lived your life did your thing not this is your type.

I am not allowed to have my own happiness or

I just miss the getting out there and the happiness and romance.

Phillipino Ugly Ass Cousin that tried to hit on me. They give nothing and fall in love with themselves.

So I finally thought my Cunt Aunt set him up with me the pretty white girl.

Why didn't my cunt Aunt push her ugly phillipino nephew, who is another miserable cock sucking jackass Son of a Bitch on my other ugly fat white female/cousin by marriage because they both knew each other their entire lives and grew up in N-World in their tight knit fucked up all money community. maybe because they are all narcissist and I am one of the few positive people and both of my cousins by marriage were abused so he needs to get positive emotions from someone meaning me.

I can't even relax.
They want you to be afraid of them.

My other big shit uncle that had a big shit job. Here is what I hate about him and his cunt wife.
He among other men would suck up to her and give her whatever she damn pleases, but I have nothing left to give to these people and his dumb wife is never satisfied and nothing will every be enough for her. So because he pleases her he needs people to please him and dump on but I have nothing for either of them. They have already taken everything they can get from me and whatever they want. The irony is his wife is American and 1/2 Swedish, but I would toss her out with the Mexicans. She acts concerned about Sweden but than in real life she's a cunt.

I would rather have someone nice that treats you right and tries to help you out.

Narcissist Trans Person

Trans person comes home last night crying like a lunatic. He said no one ever acknowledges when he passes a test and cries and should just jump off a bridge last night. I can't handle him because he wants me to jump up and down for him before he gets home. He's in too much turmoil and my Uncle is a manic depressive maniac. It's just really, really depressing and frustrating always being like a punching bag that responds that has to respond to everyone elses emotions because I don't have my own money and my own place. He was a programmer before this.

And now my brother has become really hard or hardened from fighting the system. And he has become hard towards me like I am the scapegoat and I really can't handle it anymore. I want to be somewhat happy. He is locked in his own world either he is angry and pissed and dumping his emotions on me or he is shut down and escaping into his phone world, games or fake gay community.

My mother is working for my other uncle sacrificing herself and she is miserable. As soon as I get up she is on about how "after this she is going out and enjoying herself"

DIANE VON FURSTENBERG AND 1STDIBS.COM

GOOGLE: diane von furstenberg rayon dress yellow polka dots

https://www.1stdibs.com/fashion/clothing/day-dresses/diane-von-furstenberg-c1970s-dvf-green-abstract-dot-print-knit-shift-dress/id-v_4187553/

https://www.1stdibs.com/fashion/clothing/day-dresses/diane-von-furstenberg-green-sleeveless-dress/id-v_2859273/

80'S/90'S MUSIC

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PddJStucKQ

CRAZY GERMAN GIRL THAT TEACHES GERMAN TO IDIOTS.

THESE ARE HOW TO LEARN PREPOSITIONS FOR GERMAN.  I AM NOT THAT ADVANCED YET.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86g4-tBFQhM

CRAZY GERMAN WOMAN THAT TEACHES PEOPLE GERMAN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SJh9NzCN8o

Kannst du mir helfen? Can you help me, I need money and a nice house. :-)

More importantly - Ich bin eine echte frau. Ja, :-)

SPREADSHEET FOR ONLINE EXPENSES.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FHS2c7oaow


THIS VIDEO IS REALLY GOOD FOR MAKING AN EXCEL SPREADSHEET
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6H2TLZSzRnY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TlnMq3Wk_A&t=180s

POSHMARK AND TOILET BOWLS

GOOGLE:
http://finderskeepers.co/poshmark-tips/

GOOGLE: how to you thank someone on poshmark
https://shepicksuppennies.com/declutter-with-poshmark-minimalism/

GOOGLE:
how to i thank someone for a host pick on poshmark
https://emmalee6003blog.wordpress.com/2016/06/09/inside-the-mind-of-a-poshmark-buyer/


GOOGLE:
how do i unstop a toilet bowl
https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/how-to-unclog-a-toilet/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddWHeXSxHlo

MISCELLANEOUS

When I leave the door his cat almost scratches me at least twice because she sits on the file cabinet wating for food or to scratch someone and she actually hurts you when she scratches and my brother is calling her puppy and telling me he has her and won't do anything. he has the spray bottle aimed at her and she is not moving so I don't want to move past her. and HE SITS THERE ON HIS ASS NOT DOING ANYTHING WHILE HIS CAT IS SITTING THERE WAITING TO DRAW BLOOD AND SCRATCH SOMEONE. HE IS EXACTLY LIKE MY AUNT. GET THE FUCK UP OFF YOUR ASS AND OFF THE IPHONE AND PULL THE CAT BACK. IT'S YOUR FCKING CAT.

This trans guy wakes up distressed screaming all over the place like a lunatic early in the morning and this upsets me. It's very hard to deal with

NARCISSIST NEED TO OVERPOWER OTHER PEOPLE AND OVERPOWER THINGS BECAUSE...........

THEY FEEL SO SMALL INSIDE AND THEY HAVE NO CONTROL OF THEIR OWN LIVES SO THEY TRY TO TAKE CONTROL OF OTHER PEOPLE LIVES AND NARCISSIST TRY TO CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE'S POSSESSIONS SO THAT THEY CAN OVERPOWER THEM AND MAKE THEM FEEL THE SAME WAY THE NARCISSIST FEELS IN LIFE. Like they have a right TO EVERYTHING YOU OWN EVEN YOU.

They are really pathetic when it comes down to it. Because they can't do anything.
When you try to confront them and get angry at them they tell you to get the fuck out of here.

They can't do anything on their own so they are dumbfucks that have to live vicariously through other people.

DISGUSTED AT MY MOTHER FOR THROWING OUT MY FOOD.

BECAUSE SHE AUTOMATICALLY CLEANS WITH NO BRAINS IN HEAD. I am tired of them walking all over me.
And I have to be nice to this bitch. I try to yell at her. and she tells me that it's her freezer and she can do what she wants with it.
All Narcissist are like this.
She's constantly saying "SHE HAS TO GO DOWNSTAIRS AND START THROWING THINGS OUT."
Well than why doesn't she throw herself out.
All I want to do is get away from them.
My Aunt is the same way.
She has to throw out her nieces stuff. Because they can't take control of their own pussies????? They have no brains in their heads and just take charge by cleaning and throwing things out with no brains in their heads like morons having a knee jerk reaction.

Sometimes I miss when I had a life.

When I was 28 I had a life and used to dress up sexy and go out dancing because that was what I liked doing and I didn't know what was going to happen. Than I moved to the worse place on earth with no job and old fuddy duddy gay Jewish men that want to take care of you cause mommy sucks their cocks for them and gives them money, but they hate sexy women in business because their ugly homosexuals that get afraid of them. It's almost like they anjoy the dead life more than anything in the world. Than it annoys me because he was an ugly old fart that listened to techno to pretend he was hip like if I played in the sand box at 30 to pretend I was 5.
It made me feel good when I used to do this. There isn't anything sexy or alive about N-world anyway and the old fuddy duddies liked it that way.

That little bit of magic.
That's what I needed, wanted, to be happy and that's what made me feel like I was alive.
I never even got to go clubbing or get that out of my system and go through that because angry king penis man homosexual men have to control that part of my life also in high and might dick world.
I don't get anything from men in N-world I am just here for brown men and old Jewish homo fags and there bullshit because they get something from me.. It's like an outside fake happy that I am not connected with.

Nice Painting by Renoir

Pierre-Auguste Renoir (French Impressionist Painter, 1841-1919) A Young Woman 187

Nice painting by Renoir
https://bjws.blogspot.com/2011/02/early-renoir-portraits.html

https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fichier:Pierre-Auguste_Renoir_-_Portrait_de_l%27actrice_Jeanne_Samary.jpg

This is ME, MY DILEMNAS, MEN AND LIFE.

When I used to live in MK it's wierd I was free and I think I was more open minded because I didn't have a lot of burden and I didn't have to carry all this weight on my shoulders so I was free and happy to do what I wanted and had more confidence. Now since I have moved to N-world I am shut down. I am paranoid about men asking me to dance or acting wild and crazy around me and just want to go out and have fun and not worry about men. Men even want to control when I masturbate in N-world. I NEED some time and some space of my own to do what makes me happy and what I need to do. In Mk I felt free to have sex with men, but I was happier,  had fun, more confident and more relaxed. Here in N-World I keep my card up. That's it in Mk I was happy go lucky. I think maybe men were more easy going with me and just in general. I felt free in Mk and I don't feel that way here or feel that way anymore in N-world.

On the other hand I am depressed and have no friends here. So no one just to go out to somewhere when I want to go out and not confident to go out alone by myself. And just laugh and have a good time with without pressure, judgements or expectations.

In Mk I didn't care or people didn't care, but people in N-World are HARD!!!! N-World is very closeminded.

WHY I HATE MEN (NEW ONE)
They never let up on you or let up at all in N-WORLD and THEY HAVE TO HAVE EVERYTHING. Example Asshole Man 2:
I did some paintings that were really good that I created at a Happier Stage in MY LIFE when I was able to feel good and do these things and enjoyed creating painting. So angry homo ugly phillipino GenX man has a huge house in N-WORLd. My Uncle gave him a pig penis job at a major company where he make $200,000 dollars a year in king penis man money. Now, when my latina cunt landlord threw my painting THAT I VALUED in the garbage I HAD NO FRIENDS TO HELP ME OUT OR KEEP IT IN THEIR HOUSE. Just to do me a small favor because you fucking can and you can get the fuck up your ass.
So 1 Christmas I was over my other Cousins and ugly Phillipino man starts hitting on me because my cunt aunt needed someone to dump him on. His mommy is no longer here to suck his dick for him. Of course, I wasn't interested so I rejected his advances. As a man you leave someone high and dry with nothing and than start trying to hump pretty white girls or your cousin by marriage. So I am basically trapped in a cage until you need something from someone in your colosally moron world.

On Homeless:
I can see where it has to be hard because not to sound gross but they don't even have the privacy to masturbate or think that way.

WHY I HATE MEN-updated

BECAUSE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH HOMOSEXUAL SHITHEADS ALL THE TIME THAT WANT TO TAKE CHARGE AND CONTROL YOU BUT CAN'T GET ANYTHING DONE.

1) THEY HAVE TO STEAL EVERYTHING. I haven't had the happiness of having a crush on someone due to HIGH AND MIGHTY KING SHIT RULES IN N-WORLD. LIKE MY UNCLE THAT HAD A KING SHIT JOB HANDED TO HIM AND THAN NEEDS TO TELL ME WHO TO FUCK AND WHO TO HAVE A CRUSH ON OR TO BY HAPPY WITH AFTER 16 YEARS OF IGNORING ME AND HIS WIFE TEARING UP MY LETTER THAT I SENT TO HIM BEGGING MY UNCLE FOR HELP BECAUSE I WAS IN DISTRESS. ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY THINK I NEED THEIR NEPHEWS UGLY PHILLIPINO COCK CAUSE THEY GOT NO BRAINS IN THEIR HEAD.

1) i AM NOT INTERESTED IN OLD COCK Irish men in the N area. When I first moved to N over 10 years ago not 1 of them including this old fart my mother's age would give me a job. As a Baby Boomer Man He married Venezuelan Pussy where he had alot of money, happiness and freedom in king penis man land and I met him because my 2nd cousin whos 30 married his daughter and her father comes up to me and starts moaning about how lonely he is . Well he had the money handed to him and those were his homo cock choices. At the time he had plenty of white woman to choose from, but maybe he was a cuck and needed woman to chase him. When I moaned about needing a job he felt uncomfortable around me or his Venezualen wife didn't want young sexy white girls around him or he couldn't handle being a MAN and hiring me for a BS job. Maybe he has never had to make a choice in his life and this is my problem somehow.

Than it's depressing living around men and there wants and needs. Like when I feel horny I should be able to masturbate. When men feel like they want to masturbate they just do it and don't need permission from angry king penis men with no brains in their heads. That's why I put up a wall since living in N where I never needed to in M.k In Mk I was a woman or young adult woman and in N men are not adults here so it is like after I have sex they pat me on the head like a little girl and that's not the only thing wrong with this place. Do men only masturbate when woman tell them they can and than they are tired and not feeling sexual so they get frustrated. This is also extremely depressing.
When I am happy I should be allowed to do things that make me happy and men should back off. I should have some of my own privacy wihtout men. How much homosexual pedophile control do they need.

I always feel like pedophiles are watching me and I have no privacy.

2) UGLY PHILLIPINO COUSIN MAN THAT HAS NO BRAINS IN COCK HEAD AND WORKS HARD. HE SAYS "I WORK HARD"

Just too depressed and tired right now.

NARCISSISM AND BULLYING

SO EVERY TIME MY BROTHER HAS A MOOD SWING HE BLAMES ME BY SAYING MY STUFF IS ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND I CAN'T MOVE AROUND AND MY BROTHER WOULD BLOW UP AND HAVE RAGES.

SO BECAUSE MY HOMO UNCLE HATES ME HE THREW EVERYTHING ON MY BED TO PUNISH ME FOR HIMSELF AND MY BROTHER. It's really sick twisted shit. Even my father would never do anything this sick, twisted and fucked up in life. It's like it's because my Homo Uncle Man feels slighted as an angry king penis man with no brain functions in his head. Now it's like all of their hate is turned on me and my brother hasn't complained about my stuff being all over the floor lately even though it kind of still is.
WHAT RIGHT DO EITHER OF THESE FAGGOTS HAVE TO TOUCH MY STUFF OR TELL ME MY STUFF IS ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND IF I DON'T PICK IT UP MY UNCLE-KING PENIS MAN IS GOING TO PUNISH ME.

SO HOMO MAN FINALLY PUNISHES ME FOR MY BROTHER WHICH IS SICK AS FUCK SHIT BY THROWING ALL MY STUFF INCLUDING LIQUIDS ON MY BED GETTING SOAKING WET. BUT HOMO MAN WAS SNEAKY AND DID IT W

I am still angry about this shit and I really, reallly want to fuck them up and get the fuck away from them.

Imaging being such a homosexual faggot that your control and power in life is bending your homo ass over so I can't get around you in the hallway.

I HAVEN'T TRAVELLED, Not Anywhere

I haven't travelled anywhere in the past 16 years except for what other people want and what makes other people happy.

MY MOTHER FRUSTRATES ME AND INHIBITS ME, and my Uncles HOMO Rage.

I am planning to try to buy a place and I finally got my mother to agree to help me out because reality is that I need to get the eff out of here and this place. But my mother thinks I should find a job first. I want my own place and security and I don't want to find a job first, I will be waiting forever. I want to get the f-ck out of here. She can conform to abusers. I literally have nothing.

I need security that if I do find a job I don't have to worry about a maniac homo throwing shit all over my bed.

I think what started it. I went outside and homoman uncle doesn't like to criticize but he gets anally angry and enraged when there is water on the bathroom floor after someone takes a shower and when he tried to blame it on me that my brother slipped on a wet floor and punched a hole in the door. I defended myself and told his ass off and then he became enraged like a fucking monster jackass with his supressed homo rage and I think he has a crush on my sensitive brother. Uncle homoman likes angry sensitive men and defends abusers. After I told him off my I was nervous I came into my room to relax and a few days later he unleashed his homosexual rage on me and destroyed my bed to punish me a woman because he despised real pretty femine women girls. He did this like a coward when I wasn't here. This is why I want out.

My Uncle cleans his room to show off how, clean, pretty and perfect his homo dick is so he can prove himself to his homo friends, homo landlord and the hispanic guy upstairs. You know, I keep my room cleans, I is a king penis man with no brain functions. To make it worse the rest of the house is a total mess.

ABOUT ME

Went to see someone today. And they made a joke comment about the dentist. The thing is I haven't been to a dentist from the time I was 14 until now. So it made me feel bad because I didnt' know how to take it. So this makes me feel bad on multiple levels but people like my Uncle or family completely ignored me and when I asked for help they ignored this in me even though not getting dental work BOTHERED ME so it didn't matter. He and his wife did pay attention to me when they wanted to dump their ugly phillipino Nephew on me than I mattered.

Also my Uncle says he is stupid and he sets me up with his ugly phillipino nephew, but somehow they can say they are stupid and ignore reality, but I can't ignore my reality.

My Experience with Men
Have not had one job, BUT
1) My cousins Puerto Rican family would hire me at their hotel or try to help me out and he's also looking for someone to marry.
2) My uncle can't help me get a job in any way, BUT him and his wife has the nerve to try to set me up with his ugly phillipino nephew because they can't find pretty white pussy for him. And he is another one that had everything done for them.

SO THIS IS RIDICULOUS THE JEWISH ADL THINKS THAT 33/6= IS A RACIST KKK SYMBOL

33/6 is now a racist symbol according to the Homos at the ADL.

https://www.adl.org/education/references/hate-symbols/336

My Mother likes Dangerous Men

My mother likes dangerous abusive men and gives them creedence so they can overpower my brother and I.

I like dangerous situations where I feel some excitement like with activities like bungee jumping where you feel like you are alive, but maybe that's not really danger.

THIS ONE IS GOING TO BE A BIG ONE ABOUT MY SOCIOPATHIC UNCLE

So I am having a hard time lately, live with my Sociopathic Uncle who by the way never went into work and still got paid for it hansomely while sitting on his a$$ and doing drugs. So I have a hard time finding work. Found a job that I worked at yesterday from 5am to 11pm at night. I came home for 1 lunch break and everyone was out of the house, but my Uncle.

He trashed my and my brother's room by throwing everything all over the place. Slammed my $200 vacuum in front of my bed. He took things with dirty water, soap and threw these things on my bed that soaked my bed and threw everything all around me and my brothers room. My bed was all wet and there were bugs flying around the room. He took the garbarge bucket and threw it in my brothers closet on top of his clothes.

And my brother just confronted my mother and she said you have to be careful it's my Uncles apartment and look at what the neighbor just did to his 19 year old daughter. He always kicks her out and they are both addicts. So than my brother says well he is trying to go to school and get his life together what is the 19 year old girl doing meaning that my brother is nothing like the 19 year old girl next door. And my mother keeps going on that My Uncle and this girls 19 year old father (BOTH MALIGNANT SOCIOPATHIC ABUSERS) can do whatever they damn well f--cking please beecause they are paying the rent and own the house/or pay rent. And my brother is like so if someone pays the rent than  that gives them the right to abuse you.

And than it turns to me and how my side of the room is a mess and my brother can't walk on that side of the room. So now it has turned to blaming me for his actions so I have to jump around to try and solve them for angry homo king p-nis man. And figure out what to do with my stuff which by the way my brother and I and all over our belongings are confined to this one room.

And the landlord is like the apartments a mess so your kids have to clean up the place or your kids have to clean up the room. They say nothing to my king pen-s man Uncle.

She wants my brother to now sit down with a maniac that just trashed our room and have a reasonable conversation with him. The word sick doesn't even begin to explain this.

All I can think is revenge. I hope someone beats the shit out of my Uncle, I hope he gets raped up the a$$ till he bleeds out--He actually might like that. Trash his room and his stuff and pour nasty shit all over his bed. I wonder do people have a right to destroy your property even though they pay rent. Also he should go to jail for what my Uncle did to my Aunt when she was 6 and see how tough he is when other inmates find out what he has done because he needs to feel the pain and torture he has caused. I don't think you can even ruin his stuff and hurt him because he is a disgusting homo pig that doesn't value anything.

If Jeffrey Dahmer was my Uncle and cut up someone's body because he couldn't open the door of his nephews room in the right way and there was a tiny vaccum behind the door which caused him to rage and go after people. My mother would say well you have to cater to Jeffrey Dahmer he has a point. You have to talk to Uncle Jeffrey and reason with him and listen to what he has to say.

Towards the end my Oldest Uncle wanted to hire this Uncle I am living with at his company. I would have luved to see this so this Uncle I am living with would trash his brother's company, office and property just to see how my oldest Uncle would react. But when my oldest Uncle offered him a job because they were both old, ugly, relaxed and old fuddy duddies my sociopathic Uncle that I live with turned it down.

My mother likes dangerous men and intense danger, but I am not the danger they are.

On Being Human

Hate the feeling or idea that I have to be or feel guilty of anything that makes me human or even just having anything that makes me human.

TRANS AND BI-POLAR MOOD DISORDER

This trans guy has bi-polar disorder.
His anger is like a maniacal rage and even when he went to the store last night and came back when he comes in and slams the door and comes in the room I have knots in my stomach of fear like when you are dealing with a raging drunk.
Than all of a sudden the next day they are calm.

That's the difference between normal anger and bi-polar anger. With Normal Anger people just get angry and don't instill fear and have others walking around on pin and needles like the bi-polar person is a monster. With bi-polar maniacal rages they want to control the other person and instill fear in them because they are maniacal narcissist that are afraid of everything in the world and everything in life and use this anger to scare other people and control. And than they deal with strangers as if nothing every happened in a calm mannner like that Norman Bates guy. It is completely psychotic.

I can't handle it.

I need to distance myself from these morons

They always want you to be thinking about them and focusing on them and their angry king penis man lands and fearing them. It's got to be hard to have a mind like they have.

YESTERDAY, and MORE TRANS BULLSHIT

I can't cope with Trans penis men anymore or angry king shit men. After trans or real men go on hormonal maniacal rages I feel like a brick wall hit my head and it gives me a migraine for a few days.

It's really too much for me to deal with 2 raging homosexual maniac angry king shit men. And the trans guy gets angry because his cat shit on his slippers so he starts making a face like he wants to destroy the cat or anyone around him and says "Do I smell shit? Do I smell shit? and than he starts moving around really fast and going back and forth and ranting and raving and crying like a lunatic and gettin angry with no brains in his head. All week without the lunatic trans person it was peaceful until Friday. It takes too much emotional energy out of me to deal with them. His mother blames his anger and hysteria on the medication, but it's more than the medication. He is hostile and in complete turmoil and I really can't handle it or him.

When HIS cat shit on his slippers yesterday morning he got really arrogant and smug and tried to blame it on me saying that "I should put the cardboard in door so the feral cat doesn't get in in the middle of the night and attack his cat." So at first I am nice and than I tell him to go fuck himself it's his cat. An he says "Well next time I should let the cat shit in your sneakers." That's how much of a motherfucker he has become since this trans bullshit.

I need my own place, but I was thinking of waiting until I have to renew something else and than trying to ask someone for help to get my own place. Maybe I can find a roommate to help me pay the bills. I was happy until he came back yesterday from classes all weak.

Now I am nervous and angry after dealing with this shithead.

Pissed because his Romantic Evening was ruined.

My Ex-boss was latin. One morning the manager of the store didn't show up to open the store and was a few hours late so we the meager employees had to call the boss and he was pissed because we ruined his romantic evening.  Americans are not like this maybe.

So since men in N had to have everything and ruin my one romantic happy free encounter they can go screw themselves now.

Trans People are constantly depressed, moody as f--ck and on a super high.

So this trans person put me down twice today. I was happy yesterday got out and I was around people that were happy and productive and than I mention an idea to him and he instantly gets negative and depressed and puts it down. It's really hard to be around this sth-t. I can't cope with it.

He wakes up on a high and the instant I say 2 words to him he starts talking really fast about nothing.

It's so hard to be happy and productive around manic depressive morons. I don't want to be around them anymore.

So even when they are not angry and abusing you there is something really off and disturbing about them. They are miserable and want to bring you down.

I just have to run it's too much stress for me.

Weird White Women that Adopt Chinese Kids.

When I was a kid I had a strange experience.  I mostly grew up in all white areas until I was a teenager. I would get sent away to camp to stay with a family. It was a camp for poor kids. Anyway there was one summer I stayed with this family and there was a blond blue eyed woman and the mother of the family that we stayed with let us know that we were not supposed to see anything to their wierd white women with Chinese kids or one of us was about to say something and she autotically did the shhhhusssh thing where she shut us up because we didn't understand why the f-ck she adopted Chinese kids.  We were supposed to ignore it even though it didn't feel right.

Some Black Supremacist AND Some Jewish Supremacist

I don't understand how if you are a white racist you can't write for a normal newspaper, but this black supremacist or racist can.

https://alamedasun.com/news/confronting-racist-symbols-alameda%E2%80%99s-public-spaces

Stuff like this pisses me off because being part Southerner this is part of MY HISTORY and I have never even gotten the chance to go down there and see my history and now they are tearing it up.  I don't even know what my grandparent from the South looks like. And than I get slammed and put down by my cousin that's from one of the most open minded liberal states supposedly she says Southerners are bad, but she is somewhat loaded with money and spoiled and would NEVER LIFT A FINGER TO HELP OUT ANYONE ELSE that is not part of her tight nit uppity world.

https://www.sfchronicle.com/news/us/article/Confederate-monuments-to-get-slavery-civil-13176176.php

https://alamedasun.com/news/confronting-racist-symbols-alameda%E2%80%99s-public-spaces

THESE ARE JEWISH SUPREMACIST.
https://www.haaretz.com/us-news/how-is-this-happening-here-california-jews-face-anti-semitism-wave-1.5446039

NAZI SYMBOL OF HATE
This is a Zionist Jewish Star and the person who wears this is a Nazi Zionist.
It is a Jewish star with the word Israel in the middle which is 3 letters backward in Hebrew.
https://www.avianneandco.com/14k-star-of-david-pendant-with-chain.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIzfmRj9WY3QIVkI2zCh0SlQFsEAQYGCABEgJ0b_D_BwE

Narcissistic Musings.

So this trans person went into a rage on Saturday and his mother says I have anger issues and I need help. She refuses to admit there is anything her son.
So she also turns to me in the car and said that if someone throws an empty plastic bottle at you (like those ones with the cheeseballs a man can get a concussion from that and she has heard of this happening before and it's real and true and she knows it. Later when I confront her she gets upset and tells me oh that's over with and starts yelling at me and for bringing it up and trying to tell her it's not true. Like if this was empty and it had no cheeseballs in it and you threw it at them.  Than I told her that I through my baby bottle at my father as a 2 or 3 year old and he was fine.

https://jet.com/product/Utz-Cheese-Balls-Barrel-35-Oz/d9b6d4582db948fab9ff91e3883d17b2?jcmp=pla:ggl:jd_cons_win_grocery_a3_neast:grocery_snack_foods_popcorn_puffed_snacks_a3:na:PLA_1433080070_57749793058_pla-498279640752_c:na:na:na:2PLA15&pid=kenshoo_int&c=1433080070&is_retargeting=true&clickid=7897c44d-d57c-4f20-b2c8-521b9a04a69c&kclid=7897c44d-d57c-4f20-b2c8-521b9a04a69c&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI2syZ6N6Q3QIVDF8NCh2oAwfaEAQYASABEgInzvD_BwE

Somehow it still has to be my fault whatever happens.

Trans and Borderline Personality Disorder

The trans narcissist started in with me yesterday. I put my slippers on his side and he violently storms in and takes a bag and picks them up so he doesn't have to touch them and than puts them on his side.
From there he got hysterical and went ballistic like living with a drunk. I feel like I am constantly on pins and needles and you have to be always afraid when king shit man comes in the room. When this trans narcissist man goes into a hysterical tirade and blames you that is narcissistic. Going into a tirade like this is also what a drunk person does. And afterward I feel like a brick wall hit me and than his mother sides with him and placates him and tells us we were both arguing.

Even when I moved my slippers from his side he kept putting the dirty bag on my side before he went out to meet his butch lesbian friend that overpowers him, abuses him and dumps on him. I don't think it is manic. Although he will be nice to his abusive gay friends take on their problems and than abuse me and treat me like shit.

The trans narcissist started in with me yesterday. I put my slippers on his side and he violently storms in and takes a bag and picks them up so he doesn't have to touch them and than puts them on his side.
From there he got hysterical and went ballistic like living with a drunk. I feel like I am constantly on pins and needles and you have to be always afraid when king shit man comes in the room. When this trans narcissist man goes into a hysterical tirade and blames you that is narcissistic. Going into a tirade like this is also what a drunk person does. And afterward I feel like a brick wall hit me and than his mother sides with him and placates him and tells us we were both arguing.

Borderline Personality Disorder. My back hurt last night so I tried to sit on the floor and when my feet were on his side but nowhere near this Trans Narcissist he actually put bottles of Peroxide near my feet and bottle to claim his dominance and he plays the victim and plays games with people. Wait he shoves bottles near my feet because anything ON HIS SIDE MAKES HIM BE ANGRY IN HIS BRAIN.  If I am not here he will do it to somebody else. He did not care how much pain I was in only that I was on his side according to king shit rules with no brains in his head.

He doesn't take any responsiblity for his BPD hysteria and than blames it on you. Hell his mother feels more sorry for the cat. When the cat goes in his cats litter box he gets tyrannical and chases the other cat out of his cats litter box and his mother says he shouldn't do that to the cat, but with me it's okay. It's okay if I have a 102 fever and he screams in a high pitched noise right in my air when I am sick and can barely do anything so I don't feel bad when he gets hurt. Not anymore. He deserves it. Now he is outside telling his mommy how innocent he was..

NARCISSISM 101

I BOUGHT MY BROTHER A CAKE FOR HIS BIRTHDAY and when my mother let him know about the cake before she lit the candles on the cake????????? and they when I got upset because I was trying to surprised him. She waves her hand like a Narcissist and says he already knew, don't you think he already knew.

The NARCISSIST TRANS PERSON STARTED IN TODAY AND STARTED ABUSING ME.  He puts a dirty bag on my coffee cup which is gross and oppressive. He went haywire and when I tried to tell his mother and complain. When I tried to leave the room which is on his side or the door is on his side. He pushes me back, blocks me and gets angry and hostile and yells at  me to stay on my side of the room. He has severe borderline personality disorder and I need to get away.

He goes out to do this to his mother than he calms down after awhile and his mother's response is a vague threat "you don't know what's going to happen to the both of you. You are both adults and you are both responsible and the her trans son said he also did nothing wrong." Really that's like an elderly person getting robbed in the store by a violent maniac and me threatening to kick them both out because they are both crazy. It's like his mother can't yell at him or come back at him or reprimand him like a grownup adult woman is supposed to be or do. So she has to say you both did something wrong and you both will pay for it. I try to explain to his mother and she says she is doing something and doesn't have time for this. Unless her trans son goes off on her and than she will complain to me and say you are right when she is hurt and she is the victim.
It's almost like a Narcissist wants you to be attacked and take the blame for being attacked while they are happy that you are being attacked.

I need to get away. I have a plan but I would have to ask for help and my mother's response the last time I did this was "Grandma had it tough. I don't know how she coped with all those kids and going to work. Kids these days don't know." So this is what I have to go through with these aholes.

The best part his mother told this trans fake woman to call domestic violence and get them involved when we are arguing. He has already called domestic violence on me once, he called domestic violence on some trans woman he met that kept texting and stalking him and told him he wasn't a woman and he went bezerk on her I guess. So this one trans fake woman that is my roommate has been calling domestic violence on everyone in his life. It would seem there is something wrong with him. His mother starts threatening me that when we argue she said this trans he person should call domestic violence and let them handle it. What is he or she sick and I thought the same thing and YES THEY ARE SICK.

This trans fake woman has Borderline Personality Disorder. They just have to. They have to always zone in on one person that is pretend attacking them and report them. So than what is the difference between a Schizo and a Narcissist. If Schizos find an enemy everywhere because they are paranoid abuse the victim and than pretend they are the victim and call domestic violence on them. It's like this trans fake woman has to attack someone and than whey they retaliate in some way by let's say cursing them out she pretends she is a victim innocent dove.

The trans narcissist started in with me yesterday. I put my slippers on his side and he violently storms in and takes a bag and picks them up so he doesn't have to touch them and than puts them on his side.
From there he got hysterical and went ballistic like living with a drunk. I feel like I am constantly on pins and needles and you have to be always afraid when king shit man comes in the room. When this trans narcissist man goes into a hysterical tirade and blames you that is narcissistic. Going into a tirade like this is also what a drunk person does. And afterward I feel like a brick wall hit me and than his mother sides with him and placates him and tells us we were both arguing.

MEANDERINGS

sometimes I don't know what to do how to solves things I just keep doing things not solving things and feel lost.

Earlier today the gay narcissist had an attitude. Let me explain he ruined my good feeling and made me miserable and than said he is sorry. Let me explain.
I was looking at my old high school in N thinking I was 14 again and got lost in thought I started think about how I hated this place and how much magic I felt when I first moved to F and the whole experience of feeling alive and happy. I pointed at the school and didn't even go there and than he starts in with an attitude and an argument that I went to this high school for the entire year.
I can't even enjoy the simple pleasures in life like waking up to someone I like or love.
So it brought me back to 14 and going to F or started to and I felt happy for awhile with my memory until he started in.

MY NARCISSIST AND HIS MOTHER AND OTHER STUPIDITY.

If I drive somewhere and something happens and the narcissist is with me. For instance, the light turns green and there are 2 people (a black woman and white guy) crossing against the light and of course I wait, BUT the moron guy behind me starts constantly blasting his horn like a maniac behind me and I am not supposed to get upset or angry because narcissist are always calm cool and collected even when they are driving everything they do is PERFECT. I WOULD NEVER DO THAT this is something I think narcissist say alot or something similar because they always have to be clean and above everything.

Now for this morning and dealing with the Narcissist and Trans Narcissist. I woke up late well after the trans Narcissist was awake and I went to get my coffee. When I went to go there the trans Narcisssist rushes out to get his coffee huffy puffy with an attitude at the same time I am getting my coffee. He actually stands outside in the living room doing this. When I confront his mother about it. She says she doesn't have time for this. She has to get out of here and doesn't have time for our squabbles(high and mighty). (Also when the trans person abuses her she complains to no end and expects me to listen). I point out to her he was up all morning and never once went to get his coffee and rushed out with an attitude as soon as I got up and got my coffee. Her response is I got to get out of here and the both of you will be left alone. But he has an attitude I say and will leave and won't have to deal with it. And she says NO both of you will have to deal with it. And than his Narcissist mother goes on about threatening me and telling me that me what's going to happen to my other cousin and my 8 year old nephew if something happens to my Uncles. (In other words they will be up shits creek and left out on the street). So when this fake pussy woman is abusing his mother's instant response is to threaten and abuse me. Most people would say this trans person is wrong and tell him to get over himself.

But his trans mother condones bad abusive behavior and threatens the person who is being victimized by it.

My Narcissist Aunt

When I was 14 we moved and I am 99% sure 1 of my Naricissist Aunts threw my rag doll out, out of spite and Jealousy from adult women and my family had no problems with it.
When I was having financial troubles I wrote a letter to my Uncle pleading for help and his wife (my Aunt by marriage) took it ripped it up and threw it out in the garbage.
Than when we were visiting our grandmother out of state my uncles wife said we couldn't stay with her because we are broke robbers that might take her sh-t, her precious valuables and bullsh-t fancy thousand dollar rugs.

The Trans Narcissist and his Narcissistic Mother

The tranny narc gets emotional now and I just can't handle him and the turmoil in this house.. Anyway in one way I feel sorry for him. He's a man that thinks he is a woman and maybe it was the estrogen, we got into a small argument and than he starts having a breakdown with his mother crying and getting hysterical that he always has to give up everything and he has to give into everyone which is also kind of how I feel. Than his mother comes in and says to the Tranny. Here here's a knife you want to kill yourself go ahead, go ahead, right now and kill  yourself. The guy has nothing, nothing at all in life and his own Narcissistic mother is telling him to kill himself and handing him a knife and she has pulled this bullshit his entire life. He's hurting, angry and in pain and she tells him to commit suicide. Here here's a knife kill yourself and commit suicide if that's what you want to do.

And than she will say she got all of this stuff done today and what has he done today.
The TransNarcissist will start placating his mother and telling her that he will be a good boy and has to start doing things and he knows he has being doing nothing all morning while of course she brags that she got so much done. He says to his mother  "I know I have to get on the ball with things and start getting things done. I know I have not being doing what I am supposed to do all morning." This is after he had his short episode, but when I mention maybe his mother is a Narcissist he doesn't want to acknowledge it anymore.

NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY TRAITS

I think they forget things as they get older even the name of famous parks in big cities and they ask you what Bryant Park is.

Also woke up had acid reflux if you spit in the sink at all they get paranoid, push you out of the way and immediately have to clean it up and it doesn't matter how you feel. It's like they are parnoid of getting in trouble. They'll say move out of the way, I got to get in there. and you come back and if you do anything in the sing they complain and get upset with you that they have to clean it out again like it's a hassle and you are a burden. 

MORE TRANS BULLSH-T AND THEY ARE ANGRY AS SHIT

So this trans bullshit. They need someone to control and dictate to. He's hostile and angry all the time. Well at least I got out for a little while yesterday and I was happy.

Welsh Irish DNA, Culture and Lifestyle

I found these sites on Welsh people and Welsh Things

https://www.gorgeouscottages.com/images-yorkshire-andy-redhead/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Welsh_cuisine

MORE TRANS BULLSH---T

My trans friend now turns everything political and you can't argue with him because he isist he is right.
He said Beauty is subjective and I said it's definitive and that's why so many women drool over Ricky Martin, but no woman is drooling over George Lopez. So obviously beauty is real and some races and ethnicities are physically better looking than others.
I can even have a fun happy conversation without something turning into a political nightmare situations.

Before that we were talking about Archie Bunker and how funny he is and goes into that thing that he was funny because they were making fun of him being a racist. It's like the only way I can talk to him is if I have fake thoughts like he has. Maybe Archie Bunker wasn't always a racist or sexist, maybe he was right about some things. Oh yes my favorite is he said "Ted Bundy" from Married with Children" is the type of bigot that would hate immigration and this was after I showed him a funny meme that had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with racism, sexism or bigotry. It's like he has sexist and racist political knee jerk reactions.

NARCISSIST AND THROWING THINGS OUT.

My narcs comes into the room annoyed saying "I am going to throw this makeup mirror and keyboard out. I don't care, if you don't come and get it right now I am throwing it out." I am throwing out this mazarrati. If you don't come out right now and get your maseratti it's going out in the trash because I have no brains in my head and can't stand a mess. Don't care it's taking up too much space.

It's like with narcissist everything agitates and annoys them. Objects agitate and annoy them and I guess they do shit like this to irritate you because they can't act like a normal person so they need to have an attitude and even throw other people stuff out because they are taking charge of something, BUT spill some grape juice on QUEEN SHITS carpet and she's ready to send her 11 year old nephew to the chambers. or whatever.

"If things get in my way I throw them out, I have always  been that way."

On top of that it's like everyone where I  live repsonds to instant stimuli with no brains in their heads.

They want you to be paranoid and stuck in this constant state of paranoia and fear and worry about them and their moodswings and attitudes.

Personal Life

It's hard for me to relate to people where I live. Either they are uneducated or something or everyone is married or married with kids that that's their complete lifestyle. I was happier living in M==== because the people I lived with were full of life and more importantly I could relate to them..
I haven't had 1 job here and people only hire you in N---------- if you fit in with their married lifestyle and have married co--k between your legs. When I lived in M==== people treated you like a person and it didn't matter if you were single or not. It was what you could learn from a person.
When I moved here I was about 28 desperate and had no job and there was an older Jewish guy that was looking for a wife, but it was his strict choice to not help people and have his secluded lifestyle and when he was younger he was so great that no white pu---y was good enough for him. He has never just helped someone out just to help him or her or them. He like everyone else here is focused on their own greedy needs and wants and I never got that happy elated feeling from being around him or old white men. They are so dumb in N==== there's noting you can even talk to them about.

The last time I had that happy excited elated feeling was when I lived in M--- and I saw a cute guy my own age and felt sexually attracted to him. And sometimes a song reminds me of that cute face or happy feeling or something triggers that happy feeling. Here there are no cute guys or they are boring and have no personality. Or they are ugly like my Phillipino cousin and I am a pretty white girl there for his ugly Phillipino needs because mommy and daddy give him lotso money like the old Jewish guy and they have no brains in their heads and job world be wilds.

I don't see how you can't even relate to someone and than you think you want to screw them or date them, but you don't even interact with them according to strict rules with no brains in your head. Because you are high and mighty. Doesn't make sense.

WHAT PISSES ME OFF?

I mentioned I can't be myself anymore where I live and I don't think people. So I don't think they get it.

When my cousin, an old Jewish guy, my Aunt tells me my shirt looks sexy it doesnt make me feel alive or do anything for me. People ask me why I can't be myself here and I am phony most of the time. In Miami I was who I was and didn't care, but I don't have that here.

It's also partially no one here dressy sexy or attractive so it would be wierd for me to. I think I saw one East Asian girl on the bus dress sexy and than I had 1 woman that was helping me out and dressed sexy and attractive and I also got this happy feminine vibe off of her like I used to with people in Miami. When I dressed up in Miami I was also happy and responding to them or their culture. There's no reason for me to dress up here and men have gotten angry at me when I was 30 for being sexy. And I was younger and happy in Miami I had a reason to do this, get dressed up and go out dancing. Why would I even think about that here. I am not  happy here. What for ugly phillipino men that get lotso money handed to them with no brains in their heads.

I am not happy around them. I don't get along with people here.

Than they cater to people like my old fart uncle that is a whiny old homo man that gets anal retentive and has to tell you that a berry dropped on the floor of the kitchen and would you please pick it up when you see it because it gives him upset feelings like a librarian man. 

MY BROTHER THAT NARCISSIST

Got out yesterday was feeling good about myself, was happy. Woke up happy because my brother wasn't here. I want to be happy again. I want to get away from them. I was happy and the SOB ruined my happiness.

Spoke to him on the phone and everything was fine and than he says in his gay snobbish fake pussy voice he instantly puts me down and says I was always faster and better at roller skating/rollerblading than you because I am so great as a fake pussy women with no brains in my head. He also said because he is better because he has stronger wrist and ankles and you need stronger wrist and ankles to rollerblade/skate better and he has always had stronger wrist and ankles than me. Because he is so much higher than me. My brother is hard, like a block wall. It makes me feel miserable and I was happy yesterday. Got out and I was feeling good about myself.

It makes me angry and upsets me when he does this because there's no way for me to deal with another angry king penis man with no brains in their heads.

I tell my mother and she's like why do you let it bother you. Why does it bother me what is she an idiot unless you are not alive than of course it pisses you off when my low life brother puts me down and needs to feel like he has a superiorer cockus head with no brains in head.

Fake pussy men are not happy they are the most miserable assholes in the world.

Congratulations! You ruined me day homo. Now I am miserable and focused on angry king penis men with no brains in their heads.

And this is a day angry king penis man is supposed to be out today having fun and meeting someone. instant put down with no brains in my head.

NARCISSIST

So my mother wants to do something and I am supposed to jump right than and there. I tell her I am hot and she waves her hand in a superior motion and said everyone has moodswings.
What is wrong with me telling her I am hot. Is that a moodswing when it is 90-100 degree and you don't have an air conditioner or fan on indoors. Because she caters to my moody angry uncle she wants me to cater to her.
More like he's moody and she wants to blame me which kind of makes me angry.

Passive Aggressive Homosexuality in Uncle.

I guess Narcissist are also angry king penis men with no brains in their heads that need to displace their homosexual angery. Let me explain. I live with tons of them all over.
My Uncles angry and has no brain functions. I am sitting with my back to the wall and he's angrily using a leaf blower now to blow leafs that aren't there and than he turns it up really loud and bangs it against the wall. (he wants to make other people nervous and angry with no brains in their heads). So he bangs it against the wall of course it upsets me; he's a grown 60 something year old faggot homo man. As a boomer he stayed home from work all the time. He never goes out he's terrified of people except for his two homo friend that he supports with his full paycheck(he has no intercourse with these 2 men) so they abuse someone and he needs to abuse someone else with his angry passive aggressive homo moron mentality. Was happy yesterday and yes it upsets me. But it's weird it's like he's trying to scare someone because he's an angry dominant homo or make someone shaky and angry because that's how he feels and it works somewhat until I sit somewhere else. I guess he needs attention. Now that I moved from where I was sitting homo man stopped using the leaf blower isn't that pathetic. Homo man started again. He's the only one that can be a dominant angry king penis man boss.
It's weird it's like he's angry and afraid of poking me, but he needs to do it for a king pensi man challenge and attention.
This is why I hate my older uncles; not once did they tell their younger brother you have to get up off your ass and go into work. Not once did my older uncles tell their grown ass brothers ass off with their famous silent generation slogan - "You want to eat, you got to work."
It's like when he tries to poke me into responding it's wierd he is afraid to do it because I feel both fear and anger coming off of him. I guess this is what narcissist do to feel alive.
They want someone to yell at them like kids? to get into an angry homo king shit argument.

Narcissist need to make you seem like the crazy one.

So I get upset and angry because my mother is touching my stuff and my mother insults me by saying she doesn't know what the fukc I am on lately which hurts me.  But my brother is a perfect angel. There's something with her my mother that no one can get upset at you or you make them think they are crazy. It's all her, it's all her problem. She needs to lie about me to make herself look good and the same thing with my brother. It's like a little cult. Those are my mother's flying monkeys and her circus. They don't respond to logic.

It hurts when your mother is doing this to you and you don't get the approval of your mother. But, I guess she is now doing to me what she did to W-my brother when her ex boyfriend beat him as a kid and she made him think he was crazy now she is trying to hurt me and do the same things to me to hurt me like I don't know what's wrong with you lately.

The only way you can get sympathy from a narcissist is if you are weak which plays into the whole mauchausen syndrome because Narcissist love to be the savior maybe that's why being a savior gives them a sense of omnipotent power. I don't think you can ever be well adjusted or better off than they are.

They are egolomaniacs or megolomaniacs and immediately attack you and attack your character.

This is my book that I will write while I am stuck here. If I get out and get my own place than it's fine. I won't have anything to write about anymore and I will be happy.

Just want to get away from them.

My Mother and brother are Narcissist.

The narcissist likes to terrorize and instill fear in other people because it's the only way to know how to react. My brother gets hysterical and abuses me mentally and emotionally, than my mother gets hysterical, defends my brother and attacks me and this leaves me a nervous wreck. I can't cope with it and it's too much stress. I can't cope with either of them. I feel traumatized by all of this which is why I am trying to find my own house.

Not to mention the stupidity of my family. My Aunt is a Narcissist also and she hates me and needs my uncle to do everything for her AND ONLY HER. In college I panicked and sent my Uncle a letter about my financial situation hoping to get some help in some way. As soon as they got the letter, my Aunt or his wife tore it up so he wouldn't see it. That's bad so he never got it. It's wierd though because her philipino nephew needed someone to suck his dick and mommy was no longer around to suck his dick for him so My Aunt tried to push him on me.

It's also like Narcissist ignore reality and they basic social paremeters of reality in this case because they have lotso monies and are able to ignore people and ignore reality. What I mean is they don't need anyone. In real life people have to depend on eachother somewhat, but not in their worlds. I give you some food and you give me some money. In their worlds they expect people to give them everything without even having a thought of helping someone out if you can and have the ability to do for someone else.  It's like they are hard driven to only think of themselves at all times no matter what. It's not reality and there is no excuse for it.

Back to my Aunt and her nephews and their insatiable needs. For 16 years I asked everyone for a job including my Uncle and got absolutely nothing, nada. Everytime I asked I instantly got ignored. So 16 years and I HAVE NOTHING, no job, marriage, no kids. All of a sudden it's Christmas and ugly phillipino man needs his cokc sucked and starts hitting on me at family Christmas gatherings and I want to oh nevermind. My Uncle gave his wives nephew a job and he was making damn good money had his own marriage, life, food whatever the fukc he wanted. I wonder if he waits until he is comforatable and his cokc is soft and floppy before he goes to the dentist or pay his mortgage. Because according to my Uncle and family they are so great they ignore their feelings.

My Uncle The Maniac

I have to find a way out or a place. I have seen some houses, but not sure which way to go. My Uncle is a maniac and I can't even shower or bathe in peace without him acting hsyterical about something which makes me nervous because I don't know if he is going to do something crazy like break the door down and it makes me a nervous wreck. I just can't. Can't do anything in this house like even try to make money or do any businesses or freelance. Than my Uncle talks to his gay lovers that he gives money to and he's extra sweet to them on the phone. I am sick of my family. I desperately need my own place.

ANONYMOUS COMMENTS ONLINE THAT I FIND INTERESTING.

These are some comments I can also relate to narcissist. I do not place the person commented in case they prefer being unknown, but just comment and or DM me and I will give you credit for your wise words.

Most Narcissist are not free and happy and so they don't want you to be free and happy.

"Is that what you think? Did you know many sociopaths have no conscience and do not fantasize..they do things to helpless creatures or people because they feel most connected to very strong emotions like fear and anger. Violence brings that out." -anonymous commenter

"I dont agree, I think humans who have empathy but choose to turn a blind eye when confronted with an injustice or evil are worse. Most people dont care for others unless they are somehow involved and it directly hurts themselves. you dont have to have empathy in order to do the right thing. oh, btw schizoids dont feel empathy, but they still have a sense of justice. schizoids are really sensitive people but due to trauma they split off their feelings...just as an example to show you that not all people who dont feel empathy are bad or evil :)" anonymous commenter and anonymous author.

Please let me know if these are your comments and want me to put your name here will gladly do it. I find some truth and honesty in these comments and hoping they help people dealing with this insanity.

Wouldn't also the psychopath be only wanting a reaction an anger and to make the other person unhappy which I don't get how that can bring you joy. Even little kids was a cookie to make them happy. With Narcissist it's like misery makes them happy or at least content and satisfied.